Dating Games

Post date: 2007-10-02
Source - My Messy Bedroom
Josie Vogels

I'm not exactly sure when meeting people got so complicated. Sure, we're all super busy, don't like bars (so who the heck all those people are lining up outside the clubs waiting to get in -- hired actors?), and have grown cynical, jaded and just plain tired of being disappointed by relationships. But does that explain why dating has become such a spectator sport?

Much like with Roman gladiator sports, today we watch knock-down, drag-'em-out battles where the best (or most clever, manipulative and strategic) man or lady is left standing taking home the prize, be it Trite Trista or Joe the Bafoon Millionaire. And we twist our rubber necks watching car-wreck dating shows like Blind Date and elimiDATE.

In reality (no, not the TV version), we want our dating fast, efficient and preferably solicited from the comfort of our own homes. Turns out, thanks to online dating, you don't have to get "out there" -- people do just magically appear while you're sitting on the couch. Never mind how to lose a guy in 10 days; Lavalife.com invites you to meet a guy in 10 minutes!

And Joe Millionaire isn't the only one snagging gals through financial deception. On pullmyfinger.com you can order phony ATM receipts with six-figure bank balances you can write your number on for prospective, gold diggers, I mean, dates.

With opportunities like this, I simply don't understand why I get letter after letter from people saying they can't meet anyone.

Personally, I've tended to date the old fashioned way. You know, like drunkenly stumbling home together, then deciding in the sober light of day whether we'd really "clicked." Or meeting someone through a friend and finding out first if they were into me, then going out. The idea of a "date" -- committing an entire evening to someone you don't know -- is about as appealing to me as having my legs waxed. Especially since most of us know within the first five minutes -- okay, let's be honest, the first minute and a half -- whether there's any potential. If the answer is no, you've got at least 88-and-a-half minutes to go before you can deek out without seeming like a total schmuck.

That's why, of all the spectator-sport approaches to dating out there, the speed-dating method makes the most sense. Hey, in the same 88-and-a-half grueling minutes you might spend with a dud date, you get to meet 20 dud dates. Or, if you're lucky, you might even hit it off with a few.

Speed-dating started in New York as a way for Jewish singles to meet (see speeddating.com). The concept has since become popular among the Goyim across North America as well. Here's how it works: You sit and chat with your "date" (an equal number of men and women are registered in each age category) for 4-7 minutes, depending on the organizers, until the bell rings and you move along to the next person, then the next, and so on. At the end of each encounter, you check "yes" or "no" on your tally sheet, and organizers later inform you of any "matches." Then it's up to the two of you to make the magic happen by arranging to meet on your own.

Really, it's not unlike eyeing someone in a bar, chatting 'em up, then realizing you're not into him or her and moving on. It's just more formalized and you pay for it.

And, according to Karen, my lovely assistant who agreed to a night of speed-dating in the name of research, "this 'enforced' meeting ups the odds that you'll find someone who's at least interesting to talk to."

No worries if you're not interesting, though, as organizers typically provide sample questions to get the conversation rolling.

It's all so efficient and economical (in terms of the number of people you can meet in one shot, not in terms of the money I spent running drinks to Karen all night), and actually looked like a lot of fun.

It helped that this particular event was organized by Single in the City who had recruited a bevy of Toronto's finest single firefighters to participate. Life could get worse than hanging out in a bar full of single firefighters.

Karen, looking hot in a red skirt, black top, sexy knee high boots and red lipstick, may have been a little too art-chick for the cute -- but definitely more clean-cut -- conservative boys in uniform. (Actually they weren't in uniform but looked curiously homogeneous even in their street clothes.)

Still, though she tends to rely on the same old fashioned dating methods as me, Karen was enthusiastic about the experience.

Unfortunately, she was placed in the "35+" category. As a city gal who usually dates younger guys, she found that the high quotient of divorced fathers living quiet lives in the country or suburbs made connecting tough.

"I did have one memorable conversation with a guy about his solo motorcycle trip to the American southwest, which led to a brief discussion about Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. That was cool," Karen reports. "Another guy who stands out said he'd cook something at home as a first date option, something that we had to eat with our hands. Sexy! When he added, 'like spaghetti,' I thought, 'hmmmm... even sexier!'"

Some things are simply cross-cultural.

In the end, Karen says she'd do it again though preferably with a broader mix of bachelors. According to organizers, about 80 per cent of participants have a chance of at least one match. "Some get 0 and some get 6," I was told.

Out of the two guys she picked, Karen got one match. Yup, the motorcycle guy. "They've given us each other's email addresses, and now it's up to us to make contact."

Awww, just like the old days.

But with a modern non-committal twist, of course.

"I was just experimenting, really, so it's no loss if nothing works out," says Karen.

After all, she can always stay at home on her couch and get a date.

***

Karen's speed-dating tips:

* Don't go in expecting to meet The One. "You may just end up with a few new friends, but what's so wrong with that?"

* Compare notes with other participants at the event. "Even though they're your 'competition,' their perspectives on a given potential mate could go a long way to rounding out your own impression of him or her."

* Arrive with some ideas for conversation. "You don't want a script but it'd be good to have something prepared beyond, 'soooo, what do you do?'"

* Finally, remember, nothing's more appealing than a genuine smile

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